Best Christmas Cracker Jokes of 2019


It’s getting to that time of year where we’re all looking forward to sitting down with the family and enjoying a Christmas dinner with those TERRIBLE, cringe-worthy Christmas cracker jokes . . . that we just can’t resist!

Christmas Cracker Jokes

Christmas crackers are almost two centuries old, dating all the way back to the 1840s when London confectioner Tom Smith put some sweets into a cracking package to make them more exciting. Believe it or not, at first Christmas crackers included messages of love, but this phased out quickly and was soon replaced with Christmas jokes.

In 1841, Tom Smith officially launched his range of what was then called ‘Bangs of Expectation;’ a thriving business that was taken over by his three sons when he passed away. One son, Walter, travelled the world looking for new ideas for gifts to put inside the crackers, which is where the hats came from.

Fast forward two centuries, and the traditional is still alive! Not a year goes by when we don’t enjoy the fun of Christmas crackers at the dinner table throughout the festive period, and not to forget,

Christmas cracker jokes. So, that being said, we’ve rounded up all our favourite festive jokes for this season!

Funny Christmas cracker jokes

  1. Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws
  2. What do the royal family play at Christmas instead of musical chairs? Game Of Thrones
  3. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite
  4. How do snowmen get around? By riding an icicle
  5. What did 52% of Brits order for Christmas dinner? No Brussels.
  6. What happened when Santa got stuck in the chimney? He had an attack of Claustrophobia.
  7. What did the farmer get for Christmas? A cowculator
  8. What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker
  9. Did Rudolph go to school? No, he was elf-taught
  10. Why would you invite a mushroom to a Christmas party? Because he’s a fun-gi to be with
  11. Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer.
  12. Why did Santa pour Lemsip into the chimney? He was coming down with the flue.
  13. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
  14. What do you give a dog for Christmas? A mobile bone.
  15. Why was the Brussel sprout sent to prison? Because it was a repeat offender
  16. Who hides in a bakery at Christmas? A mince spy
  17. What did the snowflake say to the fallen leafYou are so last season
  18. What did Santa say to the smokerPlease don’t smoke; it’s bad for my elf!
  19. What happened to the man who stole an advent calendarHe got 24 days

If you have any other cringe-worthy Christmas cracker jokes, please share them on our Facebook page to give us all a giggle!